VODKA SHOTS, BEER AND PAROTTA AT WAYANAD!!!

By this time, failure was a part of my school life. 1st Term Paper Assessment – Fail, 2nd Term Paper Assessment- Fail, Unit Tests – Fail, ELECTION – Failed. But the whole class passed and that only boosted my confidence. This never slowed me down in ogling at girls, I still did.

Suchi… Yea, she was gave me company failing to pass in her bio group. The only difference being, she was in 12th. And I gave her mental support by staying back with her for the retention class and coming back with her in MTC bus. That’s the first and last time I went by a public transport and after that I had my bro’s bike to show off and to pick up Suchi. It was an unwritten agreement that I stayed back and accompanied her to home. And I loved that phase after a hard days work at school. As it only involved lust and passion and mushy talks and hush-hush smooch. Long walks by Elliots beach in rain is nothing but B-E-A-UTIFUL.

Few days passed like this and it was routine work at school with my Math unit test on Wednesday and Suchi and her sisters’ Bio practical exam on the same day. I started from home to school and Oana had called me in the morning to pick him up for school. As I hung up on him, Suchi had called me asking if I can give a lift to her for school. Oana shrunk back from my mind and it was my girl instead. I went to her flats to pick her up but, it was BUY ONE GET ONE SITUATION for me. Her twins’ sis was also in the same school, same group which means same practical exam. And I had to drive the sisters to school.

Firstly, I don’t have a license, secondly, my bro didn’t maintain papers for his bike and Thirdly, I was to go in triples in a bike (but riding on a bike with two hot looking babes was like a dream come true).

Via Adyar Thiru Vi Ka Bridge, which is connecting bridge from Adyar and RA Puram, I noticed sales reps giving me a weirdest look possible, noticed young mothers giving a look which conveyed, ‘thank gawd my daughter don’t know Mouli’, desperate uncles expressions’ were even more attention-grabbing, ‘I have space…one of you gals could join me!!!’ I pity you all haters and losers, I thought to myself and race throttled the entire bridge zip crossing Kaliappa signal and Life style signal and Mylapore signal without applying brakes.

Like I had spare balls on me, I parked my bike on the bike stand with two girls on my pillion and BINGO!!! Mrs Lalitha Jayaraman had a Gen X heart attack and all the other staffs from school had a cultural shock and the students merely just envied. And I was nervous for the first time not because I was noticed but what if the cop had issued a ticket?

Suchi, her blood sister and I entered the campus in unison. I least expected to attend my Unit test in Math and I already had chimera of my dad in Office room. I changed my reaction from exotic to abstemious. And that made my Principal even more distrustful. She stopped us and signed the sisters to get into her room.

Ten minutes passed and they came out and I smiled. I was called, they smiled and left. I entered her room like a self disciplined child and stood there subtle with no expressions on my face. “You bloody dirty rascal, despite my warning you have got your bike?” Thank god I thought to myself, Sisters Company wasn’t questioned, and that too with two girls on your pillion in school uniform. How dare you? I didn’t have a valid reason and hence stood numb. She literally RAPED ME WITH HER WORDS LEFT-RIGHT-AND-CENTRE. Wow, what a lexicon this lady has? I thought to myself. True, I was SHAMELESS.

She didn’t let me write my Math Unit Test and that meant one more red mark on my report card. This time, it wasn’t forged.

The only wise thing I did was paying my excursion fees a week before exams result. Thanks to Ashwin who advised me to do so. And hence, my management didn’t have any other choice but to take the ever failing student. My friends and I went shopping to Spencer’s at Mt. Road for excursion.

That evening I went to TASMAC (Govt. owned liquor shop) and got 12 cans of beer and a full Romanov Vodka. I held them in my hand like I held a baby girl. It was such an electrifying moment to have the ladies on my hand. I packed them in a carton and kept it at Thatha Kadai. Went home and my folks kept my baggage ready and mom had packed some club sandwiches for me and my friends.

At 1850 Hrs, Ashwin, Oana and I assembled at Central Railway Station in casuals. And I noticed all other fellow kalalayans in Uniform. This means, we guys were FUCKED. My class Teacher, Math Teacher and Sanskrit Teacher were responsible for punitive issues. They were checking guys’ bag if they had any electronic items and illegal products like tobacco. But I had something which would electrify mind and expostulate the opposite poles in my bag, and finally result in nausea (Vaandhi). Just as Ashwin’s and Oana’s bag were checked, I was next in queue and I did the same trick of coughing excessively due to congestion in chest and demanded for solidified mucus from my nostrils. Every bloody single person witnessed a young man dying coughing. I entered and sat next to Ashwin. “Macha enna da aachu?” he asked, meaning what happened? I smiled vivaciously and unzipped my bag to show the electrifying liquids to him. He was in shock and Oana was happy because I got him beer.

After dinner I went to the washroom in the train and lit a ciggy. Took long and pleasing drags because we guys were amidst all the girls and that gave me a self-righteous smile on my face. I came out of the wash room and noticed a mid aged person staring at me and that made me realize that smoking is prohibited in train, that too by a 17 year old guy. Took out my wallet and handed him a hundred rupee note to the railway employee. BRIBING is LEGAL though.

That night in the train no one slept…because of us. I went compartment to compartment and squeezed tooth paste on the brain ejaculating guys. Ashwin and Oana were partners in crime. And we did all bloody stuffs like passing comments, flirting with senior girls (I preferred older gals), fighting, dancing, singing and smoking in washrooms. At around 3 at wee hours, my schools SPL accompanied with his set of friends came in search of the rascals. They tried ragging us but we tried keeping the noise low while beating them up. Full on action guys.

Next day after about 3 hours extended journey by bus from Mangalore, we reached Wayanad at Kerala. 4000 feet above sea level and imagine taking Vodka shots? We were given a separate hotel and two of the staff members were staying at the same hotel. Next building, girls stayed. Oana, Ashwin, Ksu and I stayed in the same room. Ksu is an extempore joke cracker in our gang. He never smoked and never got drunk but humor was like a natural fart from his ass.

My brother advised that I don’t do any idiotic stuff when teachers are awake. And so we opened the bottles at 11 at night. 3 shots of VODKA each and few cans of beer, I was so bloody sloshed. So were the other rascals. And at 2ish we went down to get some food as against strict instructions from my teachers. At 3, came in two teachers near our room and I was smoking in the balcony of the room. Ksu rushed and sprayed deodorant all over the room and we sprayed mouth fresheners. “Enna da satham ingae?” asked our Sanskrit teacher, meaning what’s the noise? We stood silent and our not so called partner in crime, Ksu replied to all the questions he asked. To be true, I don’t remember anything what happened that night. But to portray the IQ level of my teachers, they didn’t bother asking us if we were drunk but noticed the PAROTTA on the bed. And we were drilled for that. For getting food from out. What a loser, I thought to myself.

Next day passed sight seeing and flirting with girls and night arrived and invited us for the vodka and the left over beer. But this time it was much more interesting. After gulping down the liquid, we three (Ksu was left back to handle situations) went to the next building to beat SPL’s ass and find some fun there. At around 2 we knocked the door and I was as usual sloshed. Santhosh opened the door and one punch on his nose woke up his friends in the room. 3 for 3 situations and it was hilarious fun. I was sitting on top of Santhosh grabbing his ears and banging on the floor. The other 2 groups were actually hugging eachother and fighting.

We came out of the room and remember I told you I was sloshed? So I knocked another room. Knock… knock… knock… Someone who looked pleasant at 3 at night I thought. BINGO… It was science group gals and as soon as they noticed semi conscious guy standing in front of their room, they started screaming the ass outta me. I started screaming too. We ran for our lives to the next building and turned off the lights to avoid mistrustful situations.

We were not so fortune, NEWS reached Chennai, Mrs Lalitha Jayaraman that is.

“Macha??? Namba life ae gaali da” I said, meaning we are REGALLY FUCKED.

“Chandramouli, Ashwin and Prashanth of 11 E, please come to the office room immediately.” Same intercom shouted at us.

What next??? Well, comment until then.